Thursday, June 3, 2010

Mind Over Mass

Losing almost 30 pounds and 11 inches total is quite an accomplishment.  I am so proud of the hard work I've been putting in, the healthy changes to my diet, my knowledge of nutrition improving, and the fitness that I am seeing improve.  I was able to run my first 10K race this weekend in Boulder, Colorado.  If you would have told me a year ago that I would be able to run 6.2 miles (or that I just signed up for a half marathon in October), I would have laughed in your face.

Last night I had dinner with my girlfriends from college.  One of my friends recently lost 50 pounds (go Sara!).  We had an interesting conversation about getting the "fat girl" out of your head.  Why don't I go for runs in my sports bra and shorts?  Why don't I feel comfortable wearing a 2 piece swimsuit?  I look fine, but mentally, I'm still overweight.  Mentally, I'm still self conscious.  Mentally, I'm still the girl with the BMI just over the 'obese' mark and at the end of the sizes available in 'normal' stores.

How do you start to think 'thin'?  Do you just wake up one morning and suddenly feel totally comfortable exposing your midriff and thighs?

Last night, I watched a video that my friend made that is filled with pictures of my college years.  I couldn't hide my horror at the photos.  I can see me progressively gaining weight (especially as my drinking increased).  The rolls, muffin tops, and cellulite were shocking to me.  I am still that girl mentally, but not physically.

I need advice.  My first step in trying to train myself to have some confidence in my new body was a new wardrobe.  I took out the fat clothes.  I donated them to charity.  Last time I lost weight, I kept my big clothes (just in case, and it turns out it was a good idea).  This time, it is a certainty for me.  Goodbye size 12 and 14 jeans.  Goodbye bras that no longer fit.  Goodbye that little piece of me that instinctively goes to the big end of the sizing rack after years of buying size Large and Extra Large.

My next test:  wearing a swimsuit at the local amusement park.  I think that will be my brave thing for the week.  I'll let you know how it goes...

Any advice on losing my inner 'fat girl'?


  1. Awesome job Hot! The last few times I've seen you I could tell you were losing weight but 30 lbs is incredible. Keep it up.

  2. Congrats on your fantastic weight loss. I just wanted to say that overcoming the fat mentality is one of the hardest parts of losing weight. I don't think there's one answer for everyone but I think wearing your brave bathing suit is a step in the right direction! As far as those old pictures, I'd say just take them as a life lesson, accept them as a part of your past. See the good times and warm memories when you look at the pics, not the weight. If you carry all those old feelings with you - whether it’s old hurts or regrets, anger, shame, embarrassment, fear, low self-worth, whatever – they’ll weigh your heart and mind down more than that 30 pounds ever would have your body. Remind yourself that you have a different future that's full of all the wonderful ways you’re going to surprise yourself (half marathon in October, maybe a sprint or Olympic triathlon in the spring!) and do those brave things.

    Best of luck on shedding your inner fat girl.

  3. Inner FAT girl mentality is a toughie..

    I've gone from size 18 to 2-4 and now 6-8. Mentally I'm still a fat girl but reality begs to differ. Feel your collar bones and hip bones...two VERY prominent places that show with weight loss. Try on old fat pants or something...

    Congrats on your hard work. I honestly know how tough it is and the road ahead is no peice of cake either. Literally:)